Indelicately Obvious

The beginning is always full of such hope and promise.  I make myself go to the gym as often as i can, i make sure and eat healthy meals (at least 80% of them) and i research different things to do and try and help speed up the process.

I have no patience.  I want results now. and that is where i am my worst enemy.

I need to stick with this. Remind myself that this is all part of the process. This is the plan.  Enjoy the slowness of results an watch as everything happens.  I need to document everything so that i can see the differences.  They may not be drastic and many at first, but i know there will be something.

I walked 2 miles in 22 minutes... at an incline of 4 and speed of 2.5-3.  I never thought i could do that. i had to stop about 1/2 way through to stretch my calves.  thats going to be my biggest problem right now.  My feet and calves are not wanting to cooperate, and if i dont get them to work with me, then i'm going to have some issues.

I also rode 2.5 miles on the stationary bike.  I did a hill ride that was supposed ot have inclines and resistance, but i honestly didnt feel any.  its hard to make yourself keep going, but i thought that it was the perfect way to keep my exercise going after my feet and legs really started hurting on the treadmill.

Vegas had me do some basic stuff today, mostly to see what i'm capable of doing.  I was able to do them all except for one and that was because of the weight and strength it required out of my left leg.  That legs weak right now because of the nerve damage in it right now.  But hopefully once i get some weight off, things will be better.
I think Vegas maybe good.  Hes wanting to work with me towards my goals and is understanding but also has a personality.  Its not all business, which is a really good thing.  I don't want a tyrant for a trainer, but i also don't want someone whos going to go soft on me.  I can't have that.  I need someone who is going to be hard and make sure i don't give up on myself or let anyone else stop me or bring me down. 

I've hit MY rock bottom and can only go up from here.  And i will rise.  Its just up to me when, how and how fast.

I need to write out my exact goals and what i need to do to acquire these goals.  That way i have a plan set aside for me and can focus on that.

There is so much i wish to write, but its 1030 and i need to get to bed.  I need to at least hop in and rinse off real quick and wash my exercise clothes quick.  I definitely stink right now. haha

Pleasant dreams, cyber world!! WIsh me lots of luck that i develop the patience i need to keep true on my path!!

Misplaced Season

My name is Spring.  I'm 28, & i'm very unhappy.  I've been unhappy the majority of my life, and these past two years, i have hit rock bottom.  I have had suicidal thoughts, have wanted to hurt myself and others in various ways, i've messed up bonds with friends and family, i've set myself back financially, emotionally & educationally.  I've gained weight and allowed myself to get so lazy that a merely walking from my bedroom to outside to take the dogs out has me exhausted and out of breath. I constantly yawn because i can't breath, i can't fit into most of my clothes anymore and want to wear nothing but baggy hoodies (in arizona) because thats the only thing that hides my body.


Now, i'm proud to be a plus sized girl because i like being curvy, but i'm not happy with how my body is now.  Its not curvy and fun anymore, its slowly turned into a humanesque blob that just sits there,  But everytime i start to eat healthy or start to exercise, i let myself get distracted because of school work, my emotions or things going on in my life.  But not now. This time, i WILL make a change. I MUST.





My name is Spring. I'm 28, 5'3.5", and almost 230 pounds. This is my journey to better myself and give myself a better life.